Science Class Mein Madam Bachho Ko Samjha Rahi Thi.
Madam: “ Bachho Ek Viraye Ki Boond Mein SoBoonde Khoon Ki Hoti Hai ”
Pappu Ne Ye Suna Aur Hanste Hue Madam Se Bola
Pappu: “ To Aap Hamara Khoon Kyu Barbaad Karwati Hai, Seedha Muh Laga Kar Choos Liya Karo Na “ A Bihari GANPAT-RAI (who really needs a job) is being interviewed by Britisher, Colonel Smith.
Col. Smith: Haan toh Gaand Fatrahai (Ganpat-Rai) !!
Bihari: Nahi sir, Zyada nahi!!
Col. Smith: Kya ‘zyada nahi’ bolta hai, tumhara application mein likha Hua hai Gand fat rahai.
Bihari : Theekh hai mai baap, likha hai to fat raha hoga.
Col. Smith: Tum Daily marata hai (tum delhi me rahta hai)?
Bihari : Nahi sir, kabhi kabhi!!
Col. Smith: Gand fatrahai, idharaao, kya ‘kabhi kabhi’ bolta hai? Tumhara application meinlikha hua hai ki tum Daily marata hai.
Bihari : Theek hai mai bap, likha hai to marta honga.
The Bihari was employed on one condition that he will do whatever Col.Smith’s family asks him to do.
Col. Smith: Gand fatrahai!!
Ganpatrai : Ji maalik.
Col. Smith: Aaj tum ko 3 kaam karnee kaa haai
Ganpatrai : Hukum Sarkaar
Col. Smith: Tum pehla hamaari beti ko chodenga (drop her off)…baad mein hamaari biwi ko chodenga…aur uske baad mein hum ko chodenga.
Ganpatrai : Maaf karna Sarkaar, tumhari biwi aur beti to theek hai, lekin main aap ko nahi choddh sakta.
Col.Smith: Gand fatrahai! Tum ko hum ko chodnaa padhega.
Ganpatrai : Nahi sarkaar aisa zulum naa kare.
Col. Smith: Gand fatrahai, agartum hum ko nahi chod sakta tohum tumko nokri se nikaal denga.
Ganpatrai : Theek hai sarkaar….jo hukum. After a few days There is no one except
Col.Smith’swife at home. She isalone in her bedroom.While wearing her bra she is unableto Tie the knot behind.So……
Wife : Gand fatrahai, idhar aaoo?
Ganpatrai : Ji Maalkin.
Wife : Gand fatrahai, hammarapeeche se gaand maaro (gaanth maro-tie the bra knot).
Ganpatrai : Yeh kya keh rahi hai Maalkin??
Wife : Gand fatrahai, jaldi se gaand maaro hum ko late hotahai.
Ganpatrai : Nahi Nahi Maalkin. Agar maine aisa kiya to hum ko sarkar kacha kha jayenge.
Wife : Gand fatrahai, agar tumne jaldi se hamari gaand nahi maari to hum tumko kacha kha jaayengi.
Ganpatrai : Theek hai maalkin.Jo hukum. Ganpatrai who has been frustrated by these Brits for a long time starts like a bull. Panic striken the wife tries to turn and shouts :
Wife : GAND FATRAHAI, GAND FATRAHAI, GAND FATRAHAI !!! Ganpatrai :Memsaab…Gaand maarega to Gaand to phatega hiiiiiiiiiii - --- Jab tere chikuu the, saare tere pichhu the,
Jab tere aam hue, saare pareshaan hue,
Jab tere kharbhuje hue, badebade ajoobe hue,
Ab tere jhool gaye, saare tujhe bhool gaye…
-- - - 3 Girls having lunch.
1st said: I saw the condoms in boss drawer.
2nd said: I also saw & punchered them.
3rd Said: Haramzadi pehle batana tha na !!
__ __ Sunny: Papa, aaj se school mein ek period Sex Education ka bhi shuru ho gaya hai.
Papa: Good! Lekin tum Lulli kyon hila rahe ho?
Sunny: Madam ne homework diya hai.
--- - Beti: Maa Gaon mein Fauji aaye hain
Maa: andar aaja inki niyat bahut kharab hoti hai
Beti: Maa fauji Pakistani hain
Maa: to bakri ko bhi andar le aa.
-_______ Teacher: Bacho batao k kuttiya 1 sath itnay
saray bachay kaisay paida karti hay?
Kid: Miss agar aap logo ke samne kuttiya ki
tarah nangi ghoomo to aap ko pata chal jayega...
- - - - Court mein lund apna kasoor poochhta hai
Judge sahab jab main paida hua to mera badi berehmi se gala kaat diya gaya,
Thoda bada hua to hathon se mera gala dabaya gaya,
Shadi ke baad to mere saath bada bura hua mujhe kaali gufa mein dhakela gaya,
Judge sahab aakhir mera kasoor kya hai?
Judge: “Tu akarta bahut hai“
_ - _ -- 14 Saal Ka Ladka Apne PadosKi Aunty Se Puchhta Hai,
Ladka: “ Aunty, Ladkiyon Ko 12 Saal Ki Umar Mein Bachcha Hota Hai Kya? ”
Aunty: “ Nahi ”
Ladka: “ To Fir Apni Beti Ko Samjhao Na, Faltu Mein Condom Ka Kharcha Karwati Hai “
- - _ - - Ek Baar Ek Sardarji P.C.O Pe Call Karne Gaye
Chair Par Ek Lady Operator Bethi Thhi
Ladki Boli: “ Sardar Ji Kithe Karna Hai? ”
Sardar Ji: “ Vekh Kudiye, Kursi Te Taan Hovega Nahi, Zameen Te Hi Bora Vicha Lende Haan “
_--_ Bari Barsi Khatan Gaya Si,Khaat Ke Lyande Chole
20 Din Hogaye Fuddi Na Mili, Lunn Kukkad Wangu Bole
Fuddi Leni Os Kudi Di , Jedi De Ke Thank You Bole.
20 Din Hogaye Fuddi Na Mili, Lunn Kukkad Wangu Bole. Ramu Ghar Ke Ander Gussa Aur Thakur Sahab Se Bola
Ramu: “ Thakur Saab Gabar Ne Bahu Ki Ijjat Loot Li ”
Thakur: “ To Main Kya Karun? ”
Ramu: “ Bahurani Puchh Rahi Hai Gabbar Se Badla Lena Hai Ya Payment? “
------ Ye Tab Ki Baat Hai, Jab Pappu 5th Class Mein Thha.
Uski Class Ki Ek Teacher Pregnant Thhi, Usko Dekh KeEk Din Pappu Bola
Pappu: “ Madam Aapko Beta Hone Wala Hai Ya Beti? ”
Madam Bade Pyar Se Boli: “ Ye Baat Mujhe Kaisi Pata Hogi? ”
Pappu: “ Madam Mujhe Pata Hai Aapko Kya Hone Wala Hai, Aapko Ladka Hone Wala Hai ”
Teacher Hairani Se: “ Arey, Tujhe Ye Baat Kaisi Pata? ”
Pappu: “ Mam Vo Jab Aap Chair Pe Pair Utha Ke Beth Ti Ho To Ander Se Uski Mooche Dikhti Hai “
-- - - - -
BABA RAMDEV: beta apne se badi nari ko ma,barabar wali ko bahan or choti ko beti mana karo.
BHAKT:to baba ye lund aap hi rakh lo Jadi Buti kootne ke kam ayega.. ____
Bhakt,Nirmal baba se bola - Baba har saal bachha paida ho jaata hai, kya karu?
Baba-Condom use karte Ho.
Bhakt- karta Hu.
Baba-Condom mohalle me baant do, kripa wahi se aa rahi hai..
____
Boss :- Tumari Ability?
Lady secretary :-
Young hu,
Dynamic hu,
Sincere hu,
Honest hu,
Hardworking hu,
Qualified hu,
Experienced hu,
Deserving hu,
Typing janti hu,
File sahi rakhti hu,
Computer me expert hu,
Thoda accounts b janti hu,
Boss :- Aur kuch..?
Lady :- Disease free aur healthy hu,
Copper T lagayi hai,
7 positions aati hain,
69 me Expert hu,
Aur
Sabse Zaruri Baat ke
Apne flat mein akeli rehti hu..!
Boss :- Bas kar Pagli, Ab kya joinning ke Din he Promotion legi...!!
____
Santa ki wife Tours & Travels
magazine padhte huye:
Is baar 2nd honeymoon ke liye
GREECE kaisa rahega?
Santa: Kyon?
TEL mein kya kharabi hai..!!
____
Banta: Ek white colour ka condom
dena.
Shopkeeper: White hi kyun?
Banta: Padosan ka husband guzar
gaya hai, afsos karne jaana hai. ____
Ek Ladka Ek Ladki Ko Cafe Mein
Akele Baitha Dekh Kar Ladki Ki
Table
Par Gaya Aur Kaha:" Kya Main Aap
Ke Saath Baith Sakta Hu.???
.
.
Ladki Chillai:" Nahi, Main Aaj Raat
Tumhare Saath Nahi Guzaar Sakti....
.
.
Sab Log Dekhne Lage.............
.
.
.
Ladka Sharminda Ho Gaya..
.
.
Kuch Der Baad Ladki Uske Paas
Gayi Aur Maafi Mangi Aur
Kaha:" Main HUMAN NATURE Ke
Upar Study Kar Rahi Hu Aur Padh
Rahi Hu Ki Log
Sharminda Ho Kar Kya Mehsoos
Karte Hain.."
.
.
Ladka Chillaya:" What..??? 10
Hazaar Ek Raat Ke..??
Bahut Zyada Hain, Kuch Kam Karo
Yaar..
.
.
Sab Log Ladki Ko Dekh Kar Hasne
Lage..
.
.
Aur Phir Ladka Aahista Se Bola:" Ab
Mehsoos Kar. Khul Ke..
. ____
Panditji sex ke baad
condom dho ker rekhne lage
to pandtain boli:
.
Is ka kya karoge?
.
Panditji bole:
.
Abhi15din naya nahi pahnenge
"SHRAADH" chal rahe hain.. ____
1 bar 1 kutta jungle me rasta kho gaya tabhi waha sher aa gaya
kutta dar gaya..Paas me kuch sookhi haddiya padi thi. Kutta haddi chusne laga aur bola-wah sher ka shikaar karne me majaa aa gaya par pet nahi bhara 1 aur mil jaye to majaa aa jaye.
sher ne socha ye to bahot khatarnak kutta he .sher waha se bhag gaya...
Upar ped pe bandar betha tha usne socha k abhi kutte ki gaand marwata hu... Wo waha se sher k piche bhaga sach batane k liye
usne sher ko bataya k kaise kutte ne use chutiya banaya...
Sher bola abhi kutte ki gaand maarta hu
dono fir se kutte k paas aaye...
Kutta unhe dekh k fir haddi choosne laga aur bola- saale ek madarchod bandar ko bheja 1 ghanta ho gaya 1 sher nahi fasaa k laa saka.
Sher bola bhen k lund bandar meri maa chudwana chahta hai aur sher us bandar ko kha gaya
moral- udta teer apni gaand me loge to gaand tumhari hi phategi... ____
Aeroplane me ek scientist aur ek bachha sath baithe the
Sct:- Kuchh baat kare , time paas ho jayega
Boy:-Kis topic par
Sct:-Nuclear power par
Boy: Theek
he,magar pehle mere ek sawal ka jawab do ki jab Bakra, Bhaisa aur Gadha, teeno ghaas khate h,
phir Bakre ka Lund itna chhota q?
Bhaise ka itna mota q? aur
Gadhe ka itna lamba q hota h?
Sct:-what nonsense, mujhe nhi pta.
Boy: bhosdiwale Pata tujhe Lund ka nhi or Baatein nuclear power ki karega.. ____
Call Girl (to 68 years old man): "Uncle,
aap ek baar try karo na!"
Uncle: "Main KAR nahi paaunga."
Call Girl: "Arre, aao na uncle, try to karo!"
Uncle aa gaye aur callgirl pe toot pade aur uski almost faad dali.
Call Girl: Haaye mar gayi. Aap to bol rahe the-
"kar nahi paaunga"
Uncle: "Wo to main PAYMENT ke baare me bol raha tha. ____
GIRLS put makeup, lots of creams , sexy perfumes & they make the best hairstyle EVER.
.
.
Finally guys look at them and say:
.
.
BHENCHOD GAAND DEKH SAALI KI .. ____
Bhagwan ne apne doot nu 3 gallan pata karan layi Punjab vich bhejya.
1-> Sabto Strong
2-> Sabot Weak
3-> Te o cheej jo main nahi banayi pher bhi hai?
Doot Waapis aake boleya
1st : Sabto strong hau Lunn...Jinnu dekho ohi bolda phirda hai Tu mera lunn vi nahi putt sakda
2nd : Sabto weak hai bund, jinnu dekho ohi bolda hai Bund hi phatt gayi.
TE o cheej jo tussi nai banayi pher vi hai oh hai PHEN DA LODA. ...: ____
BOYS or GIRLS k bat krne me kya fark hota hai?
Girl-yaha kya kr rahe ho
Boy-yaha kya maa chuda raha h
Girl-maine aap ko kya kaha
Boy-maine konsi teri GAAND marli
Girl-aap itni tez kyo chal rahe ho
Boy-teri GAAND me aag lagi h kya
Girl-woh teacher ki respect karta h
Boy-ye to teachrs ki GAAND me ghusa rahta h
Girl-Us ladki ka character acha nahi
Boy-ye to RAAND h
Girl-tum to bahut murakh ho
Boy-tu to LODU h
Girl-darr lag rha h
Boy-Gaand fat rhi h
Girl-maje mat lo pls
Boy-ungli mat kr bhosdi ke
Girl-aaj to ghar walo se dant padi
Boy-aaj to lode lag gaye bhenchod. ____
Dr. mai apni BV ko chodta hu to andar jake lund teda ho jata h...
Dr. ko yakin nhi hota to engg. apni BV ko clinic me lekar
Dr. k samne chodta he
Kuch din bad kisi shadi me Dr. apne dosto k7 khada us engg ka mazak uda rha hota he k is bewkuf ne apni BV ko mere samne choda
Dusri taraf engg apne dosto k 7 khada Dr. ko dekh k hasta h
or kehta he
"Yar rand laya tha,Jagah nai milito iske clinic me jakar chod aya."...!
Moral:-eng. Engineer hota h. ____
Lady to Dr - Mere pati mujh se sex nahi karte..
Dr - ye lo 30 goliyan, roz ek khila dena.
Lady ne 1 goli di to usne us raat sex kiya.
Next day 2 goliyan di to usne khoob Zor se sex kiya,
Lady ko Bahut maja aya. 3sre din usney saari goliyan doodh me daal kar pila di
3 din baad Dr ne lady ko call kiya, uske bete ne uthaya,
Dr ne poocha mummy kaisi hain ?
Beta- Maa mar gayi, Chachi aur mausi hospital me hain, Kaam waali bhaag gayi, Aunti ne papa par Rape case thok diya. Meri Gaand abhi bhi dukh rahi hai, chota bhai jhaariyon me chuppa hai aur papa Nange hokar lawn me Tommy ke peechey bhaag rahey hain
____
Lady (in Bus) - Thoda peechhe ho ke khade reh..
Man - Peechhe se log dhakka maar rahe hain..
Lady - kamine 4 baccho ki maa hun, dhakka aur ghasse mein farak samajhti hun.. ____
One mouse was fucking an elephant in a coconut farm, one coconut fals on elephants head.
Elephant- Ouch.
Mouse: ouch vauch kuch nai gandu apna shot to aise hi hota hai. ____
Ravan: Cigrate he?
Narad Muni: nahi
Indra dev:juth kyo bolte ho
Narad muni: prabhu tum bich me mat bolo shanti rakho, ye lovde ke das shir he bhoshdika pura packet thok lega... ____
